#16 Radical Forgiveness and Learning You Are Enough RIGHT NOW
Do you hate Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton, or the kid that bullied you in school, or Adolf Hitler or even the taxman? Well, if you do, you are only doing yourself harm.
Holding resentment is like you ingesting poison, and then waiting for the other person to die. It’s a bad idea, and it’ll only damage you.
In this episode we discuss two mindsets that will make your life a lot easier and more enjoyable. Namely: radical forgiveness, and you are enough.
There is huge power in training yourself to find the good in everybody, even and especially ‘difficult’ people. Good exists in everyone, and it benefits YOU to find it in each person you encounter. A great journal exercise we both do regularly is, pick a person from your life and then list 5, 10, 20 things that are great about them. It’s even more effective when you try it with people you don’t like, because it forces you to find good where you had not noticed it before. Finding a different ‘story’ about people you don’t see eye to eye with, walking a mile in their moccasins and finding reasons to prop them up instead of tear them down, makes forgiveness easier, and makes you happier.
Radical Forgiveness has many health benefits. It lowers cortisol and blood pressure. Studies have shown that a person’s vertical jump increases once an emotional weight has been lifted from their mind. Forgiveness lifts emotional weight from your mind, and it lets YOU soar free as a bird. Forgive for others, but mainly for YOU. So DON’T wait for “sorry”, life’s too short. Take responsibility for your own mental health and forgive. Do not wait for apologies. Become a passionate and dedicated forgiver for your own sake.
It’s also crucially important that you FORGIVE YOURSELF – for anything and everything. We are ALL deeply flawed and imperfect, in millions of ways. Mistakes are a totally inherent part of being a human. Forgive yourself, free yourself, and get an upward spiral of positive emotion going.
The second mindset is You Are Enough. We discuss the pesky and tragic belief that many people carry around with them, namely, “I will only be enough when you achieve x, y, z.” When you think like this it is way too easy to not live fully NOW. You are always kicking the can down the road, waiting for the (imaginary) day in the future when you finally feel ‘enough’ to be the person you want to be, and do the cool shit you want to do. It’s a tragic illusion, and a form of procrastination, because you are ALWAYS ready NOW, and if you are not ready now, you will never be, it’s not your outside achievements that need to change, it’s your mindset! You are not perfectly ready now, and you also won’t (ever) be perfectly ready in the future. ‘Perfectly ready’ is a cruel illusion.
The best and truest growth is done from a solid and strong base of understanding that “I am enough, whether or not I have x, y, z”. Living NOW, in all of your glorious (and never-ending) imperfection is all you can ever do. There is no final destination to personal development or self-actualization, the process of growth is never-ending – so never wait until you are ‘enough’ – you are only ever as ‘enough’ as YOU feel!
We finish by discussing the importance of creating a plan of action, and how to use affirmations and journal exercises to help ingrain these two crucial mindsets.
This is The Gentlemen’s Game.