#18 Fear Of Rejection Will Ruin You – How To Turn Rejection Into Your Biggest Ally
#19 The Fear Of Rejection Will Ruin You – How To Turn Rejection Into Your Biggest Ally
Intertwined in our psyche is the strong desire to be accepted, to be validated. And many of us try to fight this inherent need so that we may rise above and become the lone wolf, the island, the fortress – unaffected by that without. Maybe you envision a world where you have been liberated from the shackles of judgement and now fly free like a glorious eagle with your big eagle balls dangling below you taunting anyone to even try and tell you to put them away. But the harder we push, the harder our environment pushes back. You see, we crave connection. We are social creatures. And when we resist this, we generate great internal – and often external – turmoil.
Don’t swim upstream. Don’t drive contraflow. There is an easier way.
And it’s rather simple but certainly not easy: change your definition of rejection, and then rewire your brain to see rejection differently.
Understand that someone who doesn’t comprehend all of you cannot reject you. That girl or guy, that job, that cold call; they have the tinniest sliver of your movie reel, a flash, and then they have to make a decision. None of us are magnificent all of the time, all of us oscillate between our best selves and our worst selves, between a smorgasbord of characters that we embody. We get tired, and scared, and hungry, and angry. We bring forth the wrong character at the wrong time.
We attribute the outcome of our proposal to us alone when really there may have been no other answer for any other person. The girl you approach – she has a husband and kids. The interview you go for – they need someone willing to work for much less. The guy you call – his small business is on its knees and he doesn’t know how he is going to put food on the table much less give his daughters the education he never had.
It’s not all on you. Take some of the weight of your heavy shoulders.
Now with that understanding of rejection in mind we may begin to adjust our response to it. Success requires it. Happiness demands it. How? Firstly, stop calling it rejection: its a word doused in negativity. Then start seeing it as data. Store relevant data – things you could do with changing to the improve success rate – chuck irrelevant data – situations in which you believe you had little or no control over the outcome. Now this process becomes a study. It becomes clinical. And your rollercoaster of emotions can be left aside while you iterate progressively more complicated and successful proposals. Or, if you prefer, it becomes a game. Somewhere you can explore and create, experiment and learn, and constantly ‘level up’. Either way, it takes the fear away and replaces it with fun and self-awareness. This skyrockets your growth.
Sounds bloody brilliant, right? Then get your off your ass and try it out now, you bloody lovely bastards!
This is The Gentlemen’s Game.