The Dog Philosophy – How To Ask For What You Want
Being a human can be a complicated business. We have wants, desires, needs and preferences. Many of these go unfulfilled. This is often due to our own inability to egolessly, shamelessly, and healthily ask for what we want.
Human minds are complex and often clouded by self-doubt, unnecessary shame and guilt, anxieties, fears, hang-ups. Stifling self-consciousness plagues a great many of us. In many respects, we are our own worst enemies.
We struggle to clearly ask for what we want. We feel shame at doing so. We are told from a young age that selfishness is an awful trait. So we feel shame for having ‘selfish’ wants and desires.
We also feel ashamed of being told “no”. It makes us feel like small children again, silly for having bared our souls and made known what we desire. We also fear confrontation, and we believe that we risk confrontation if we ask for what we want.
One of the greatest examples of a creature that does not suffer from any of this stifling and unhealthy mental baggage is the humble hound. A dog knows exactly how to ask for what it wants.
Dogs ask honestly and without bullshit. Dogs are straight-talkers. Dogs feel no shame about asking. Dogs do not take a “no” personally or read too much into it.
We can learn a lot from our canine cousins. Dogs outperform humans in the area of honest asking! We should follow their philosophy and learn to be honest and straight about what we want.
This is the Dog Philosophy – how to ask for what you want.
Learn Honesty and Straightforwardness From A True Master
Dogs are not ego-obsessed. They are not constantly trying to preserve a public image and keep up appearances like most humans are.
Humans are obsessed with what other people think about them. And this obsession is totally crippling! The acute fear of social disapproval that most humans experience prevents them from being honest and straightforward.
Dogs have no such hang-ups. And so they have nothing hampering their ability to be honest and straightforward. Dogs are true masters at honestly asking for what they want.
And we find this trait extremely charming!
The Value Of Asking For What You Really Want
First of all, if you don’t say what you desire, how can anybody know what you desire?!
In many cases, people are delighted to have the chance to give you what you desire! People enjoy giving others what they desire. And people often desire things that are compatible with what you desire. The only way to find this out is to ask for what you desire!
Another value of asking for what you really want is that people find it charming and impressive. Humans are wonderful readers of other humans. We can tell when people are holding back or being less than honest. When people are honest and straightforward and ask for what they desire we know what’s what. We know where we stand. We trust the honest asker more.
People who ask honestly and straightforwardly for what they want, like dogs, are disarming, refreshing, and charming… like dogs!
How To Ask For What You Want
The best way to ask for what you want is to do it as a dog would do it. This means you just honestly ask.
You don’t sugar-coat, attempt to be fancy, beat around the bush, dress your request up, put makeup on its face, lace it with embellishments or fancy embroidery. (Humans are great at seeing through this shit!)
You. Just. Ask.
“Hello, I would like…. Would you be willing to give me this / let me have this / share this with me / do this for me? Is my desire compatible with yours?”
If so… GREAT! If not… oh well, at least we know where we stand.
You have a much better chance of getting what you want if you do not need what you want. Neediness is a massive turn-off. People do not enjoy being around other people who are needy. It is foul and off-putting.
When we are needy we tend to not get what we… need. It seems to be a law of nature!
Cope With Hearing “No”
Neediness often stems from a fear of hearing “no” and the shame, tragedy, catastrophe, ego-damage that we believe that “no” would bring.
Dogs don’t want to hear “no”, but they can handle it much better than a typical human. This is because they do not read-into a “no”, or take it personally, or take it as proof of their loserdom or fundamental rubbishness.
Become great at hearing “no” and NOT taking it personally, and being able to move on unencumbered… and ask for what you want again!
Relinquish Ego Baggage
A big part of asking calmly, honestly, straightforwardly and effectively is to not have any ego attachment to the outcome of your asking.
Take your self-concept out of the picture. Whatever the outcome of your request, your fundamental value as a human being and your personhood should not be on the line.
The Power Of Persistence
If you can honestly and straightforwardly ask for what you want with persistence (although not necessarily from the same person again and again!) you will finally get what you desire. You will finally find a willing dance partner! You will finally find somebody who is keen to scratch your belly!
This is enlightened self-interest. This is healthy selfishness. This is giving yourself the best opportunity you can. This is strength and self-assurance. This is freedom. This is the Dog Philosophy – how to ask for what you want!
Read more of my writing here: yasinmammeri.com